15. WICKED SHIFTS: For Good - The Human Buffet of Behaviors 🍽️💚

About this episode

Life is like a human buffet of behaviors. 🍽️

And you get to choose what you're putting on your plate.

In this episode of the WICKED LESSONS series, Steph and Stella (her daughter) dive into one of the most powerful themes from Wicked: Changed for Good - the people who transform us.

The truth from Wicked:

Elphaba wasn't born powerful. She learned magic by watching others. She learned integrity from Dr. Dillamond. She learned to avoid fakeness by watching the Wizard. She curated her character by observing the people around her.

The same is true for you.

Every person you encounter—your barista, your colleagues, your family, your friends, your neighbors—gifts you something. The question is: What are you choosing to take from them?

The Shift:

Instead of saying "I like this person" or "I don't like this person," ask:

→ What specific trait are they showing that I want to adopt into my own life?
→ What specific trait are they showing that I want to avoid?

The Psychology Behind It:

Observational Learning - Humans are mimicking machines (not always consciously). We learn by watching, not just doing. Things are caught, not taught.

Vicarious Reinforcement - If you see someone gossiping and getting attention, your brain thinks "gossiping works." If you see someone being kind and getting trust and respect, your brain thinks "kindness works."

The problem: Most of us are mimicking unconsciously.

The goal: Switch from unconscious mimicking to intentional curating of character.

The 3-Part Framework (Filler-Upper Scan, Anti-Mentor Framing, Mirror Check):

Step 1: Filler-Upper Scan
→ Look for your "expanders" - people who leave you feeling better, elevated, excited, empowered, curious
→ What do they do well? How can you emulate those behaviors?
→ Seek out your expanders and scoop their traits onto your plate

Step 2: Anti-Mentor Framing
→ When you encounter someone rude, toxic, or frantic, don't get angry - get curious
→ View them as a "living warning sign"
→ Say: "Thank you for demonstrating what I don't want to be"
→ Identify the specific behavior (the yuck), then make a conscious vow to do the opposite today

Step 3: Mirror Check
→ You're watching everyone else. Who's watching YOU?
→ What are people learning from YOUR behavior?
→ Are you being brave, courageous, optimistic, solution-oriented? Or grumbly, gruff, rude, distant?
→ What's in your movie? What's your character?
→ When you make a mistake, do you acknowledge it and choose a different behavior next time?

The Examples:

Stella's story: A friend who says "I don't want to go, but I love you guys, have fun!" modeled guilt-free boundary-setting. Stella is stealing that trait.

Steph's story: A mentor who was always distracted (checking phone, checking watch) made her feel unheard. She chose to NOT put that behavior on her plate. Now she's intentional about being present.

The Truth:

→ You don't have to start from scratch
→ You don't have to figure out the best behaviors alone
→ Pay attention to the people around you - they're already modeling it for you
→ Your grandmother modeled calm and patience? That's your recipe for calm.
→ Someone models courage? You can scoop that onto your plate.

Every person you encounter can impact you FOR GOOD. You get to choose.