Divorcing the “Good Guy”: From Confusion & Doubt to a Clear No
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I’m sitting down with “Jane,” a woman I’ve had the honor of walking alongside inside the Stay or Go community for over a year as she considered, wrestled with, and ultimately chose divorce. I watched her do this work in real time. Not in a dramatic, blow-it-all-up way. In a slow, honest, deeply courageous way.
Jane is divorcing what most people would call a “good guy.”
No addiction. No affair. No obvious villain. From the outside, her marriage looked fine. Maybe even better than fine. And yet inside, she felt alone. Unseen. Disconnected from her own body. Her libido had disappeared. Her nervous system was frayed. She was carrying the emotional weight of the relationship while trying to convince herself it wasn’t “bad enough” to leave.
We talk about what happens when a woman begins to speak up and how that alone can disrupt entire family systems. We talk about sexual coercion inside marriage and how easily it gets normalized. We talk about the terrifying moment when you realize you’re the only one truly doing the work. And we talk about integration, the long stretch between knowing something in your bones and being ready to act on it.
Jane shares the flashpoint that shifted everything. The year and a half of deep identity work that followed. The escalation that can happen when you finally say the words out loud. And the unexpected peace of lying on the floor of your own place for the first time, realizing your body can finally exhale.
What I love most about this conversation is how honest it is. There’s no clean arc. No instant certainty. Just a woman slowly disentangling herself from systems that were never built to support her and choosing alignment over appearance.
If you’re in a marriage that looks acceptable on paper but feels hollow in your body, this one is for you.
In Jane’s words, and I could not agree more:
You can do this.
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